Till the last minute
by ltrltw
Summary: Rachel is a very punctual and organized person, so why would her own suicide be any different. But she can't die before she tells the glee club exactly what she thinks of them.


_9.00 AM_

"Hiram, sorry for disturbing your very important meeting. However you could have prevented it. If you'd asked how I was feeling, I would have told you I was depressed and lonely. If you ask what my plans were, I could have told you I planned to kill myself, but you didn't. However being the perfect daughter that I am, I can inform that I will die approximately between 3.30 and 3.40 pm. And in case you wonder, yes I deliberately chose the most inconvenient time."

_9.01 AM_

"Leroy, sorry for disturbing your very important meeting. However you could have prevented it. If you'd asked how I was feeling, I would have told you I was depressed and lonely. If you ask what my plans were, I could have told you I planned to kill myself, but you didn't. However being the perfect daughter that I am, I can inform that I will die approximately between 3.30 and 3.40 pm. And in case you wonder, yes I deliberately chose the most inconvenient time."

_2.58 PM_

Deadly toxic, check.

Voicemails, check.

Speech for Glee club, check.

Funeral specifics, check.

Looking at my watch again, 1 minute and 12 seconds before it's 3.00 pm. At 3.15 I would give a speech to the gleeks, sing a last song. Go to the auditorium and die in piece. Yes I'd my whole suicide planned till the very last minute. Or as good as. It was hard to tell exactly when my heart would stop beating. All I found out was around 35 minutes after taking it. Only slightly upset that it couldn't be more punctual, I looked at the time again. Only 15 more seconds. I took the toxic from my locker, looked at my watch and at 3.00 pm sharp I take it down in one shot. Putting the little glass back, I grabbed my make-up kit and hurried to the bathrooms. An actress always has to look their best, especially if pictures are going to be involved. And a dead girl at school would surely lead to crime pictures. Checking my phone again, I wasn't surprised to not have received a call from either of my dads.

_3.15 PM_

"Hello fellow Glee members, if could have your attention for a few minutes."

"Everytime I see your clothes, it makes me wanna puke." The always bitchy Santana said. Mean comment S, check.

"That's why you will be happy to tell you I'll be leaving. Now I've a strict planning, but before I go I would like to give all some advice, before I sing a song."

"Are you moving?"

"You could say that, I will be leaving this state." And the world, but for once I wouldn't swell on the details. "Anyway, I would like to begin. It would be very much appreciated if you don't speak at all, till I've left." I got the presentation cards of the panio, were I'd positioned them strategically. "First of all Lauren. I don't really know you, you don't really know me. Thank you for joining our Glee club in our times of need. My only advice would be take some acting lessons, so you can at least pretend to be more interested in people than in the snicker your currently eating."

Lauren didn't make any indication that she heard me, as she was indeed eating a snicker. Well, her lose.

"Mercedes, as I'll leave a lot of solo's will fall onto your shoulders. I think you should really start working on your vocal range. You might of think of me as selfish, as I always tried to take your solo's away, but honestly, your voice wasn't ready for some of those songs and I just wanted to save you the humiliation. Of course I don't expect you to thank me, or acknowledge this now. But just think about it, you can be a Broadway star, with just some more practice." Mercedes jumped up from her seat, check. "Please Mercedes, I've more to say and so little time." She sat back, arm crossed and just huffed.

"Kurt, same as Mercedes you'll probably take a lot of the solo's. However don't forget you've a guy who loves you, Blaine. Don't get obsessed with Glee club as I was. Take your happiness, before it disappears again. And don't give anybody another make-over, you're not really good at them." Hand to his heart, shocked by my words. Check.

"Sam, you never called me names, threw a slushie at me, for which I'm very grateful. I know you think you're in love with Quinn, but you better stop now. Quinn isn't capable of love, she just graves popularity." Sam's trouthy mouth with open, check. Quinn pretending to not be listening, check.

"Mike, you're our best dancer with Britttany, and I do hope you will pursue a dancing carreer after high school. But my advice just break up with Tina. I'm sure you like each other to some point, but let's face it, you both just dating each other 'cause of your parents.

Tina, I know you still love Artie, so try to get him back, 'cause he still likes you. And don't ever pretend again to stutter, giving yourself disadvantages doesn't protect you from bullying. Just be strong and keep on smiling." I gave her one of my famous Broadway smiles and she shyly smiled back at me. Mike looking embarrassed, check. Tina knowing the truth in my words, check. So far everyone was responding exactly as I expected them too.

"Puck, my only advice to you is to stay out of jail. And to use protection and don't have sex with girls while they're drunk. I was a little disappointed in you when I heard about that." Puck just grinned proudly, check. Quinn stops pretending not to listen, check. Her eyes were now fixating on me.

"Artie, break up with Brittany. We all know it's just a fling and that she isn't really in love with you. Besides you still have feelings for Tina, which I would encourage you to explore. And never ever think that because of your wheelchair you won't make it. I've a lot of faith in you." Artie looking at Tina, Brittany, before with a little fear to Santana. Check. Santana smiling as she is imagining the break-up check.

"Brittany, dump Artie. Get back with Santana. The girl told you she loved you, and I never want to call you stupid. But not dating Santana is stupid, sorry. And thank you, you learned me that dolphins are just gay sharks. Something that made me laugh, when I needed to." Brittany looking upset that I called her stupid, check. Santana glaring at me, check.

"Santana and Quinn, you're the two biggest bullies in this room and probably in whole Lima. I just wanted to let you know, even when I didn't show it, it hurt a lot. Almost every day I would come home crying. That besides I also have some personal advice for you.

Santana get over it. Everybody knows your gay. Just admit it and get your girl back. Also I would strongly advise you to stop being such a bitch, since you're going to need all the friends you have. After all, you're father is getting out of jail soon, after serving his time for abusing his 7-year old daughter." The only reaction I wasn't sure of, it could be tears, screaming, attacking, running or denial. But surprise, it was shock. Everybody looked at her with questioning eyes, before looking back to me.

"Don't be so surprised, I've enough dirt here on everybody. I simply never chose to use it before. Unlike some others, Quinn. You've always made my life a living hell. And I understand it to some point, you were trying to protect yourself. But you know how I would feel, you know what bullying does to people, don't you Lucy?"

Quinn going from angry to ashamed to angry again. "Who the hell do you think you're Berry to tell this things. The only reason I didn't stop it before was because I was dreaming how great it would be, when you left. But you don't go insulting me, got it."

"I wasn't insulting you. Otherwise I would have said Lucy Caboosy. And like I said I know almost everything, about almost everybody. And sit down, I don't have much time left." Quinn scared in her seat that I know about Lucy Caboosy, check.

"And finally, Finn. You're the worst boyfriend ever. You only want me when you don't have me. And when you have me, you're not sure you want me anymore. Your stupid, dumb, idiotic boy. You never listened to me when I talked, like you're not really listening now."

"I'm not stupid," Finn defended himself, "and I'm listening."

"Of course you stupid, you thought you got Quinn pregnant through a hot tub. And good that your listening, some advice for further relationships. Girls like it when their boyfriend protects them and don't stand and watch, said girlfriend, get slushied. Or just some comfort after it happened. But that was too much of you to ask." Finn looking angry, not heard a thing after the word stupid, check.

Mr. Shue walking into the class late, check. "Mr. Shue, I'm leaving in a few minutes. So from now on you actually have to do the work for Glee club, as it's teacher. I won't be making the setlist for sectionals or regionals. And tell Ms. Pilsbury that it was lovely talking with her and that she is a decent counselor, even with her OCD." Mr. Shue speechless, check.

I coughed, it didn't feel right. Looking at my hand I noticed a little blood. Coughing up blood, absolutely not check. Maybe the toxic was working faster than expected. I'd lost a few pounds since the calculations. I nodded at Brad, the song better started playing now. "The you in this song represents every member of our Glee club, not a certain member." Give Finn a stern look, check. Taking a chair I sat it in the middle of the room, before sitting down. My legs felt like jelly, and I felt that if I didn't sit down, I would fall down.

_"All my life I've been waiting _  
><em>For you to bring a fairy tale my way <em>  
><em>Been living in a fantasy without meaning <em>  
><em>It's not okay I don't feel safe <em>

_I don't feel safe.. _  
><em>Ohhh.. <em>

_Left broken empty in despair _  
><em>Wanna breath can't find air <em>  
><em>Thought you were sent from up above <em>  
><em>But you and me never had love <em>  
><em>So much more I have to say <em>  
><em>Help me find a way <em>

_And I wonder if you know _  
><em>How it really feels <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>  
><em>When it's cold out here <em>  
><em>Well maybe you should know <em>  
><em>Just how it feels <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>

_I tell ya.. _  
><em>All my life I've been waiting <em>  
><em>For you to bring a fairytale my way <em>  
><em>Been living in a fantasy without meaning <em>  
><em>It's not okay I don't feel safe <em>  
><em>I need to pray <em>

_Why do you play me like a game? _  
><em>Always someone else to blame <em>  
><em>Careless, helpless little man <em>  
><em>Someday you might understand <em>  
><em>There's not much more to say <em>  
><em>But I hope you find a way <em>

_Still I wonder if you know _  
><em>How it really feels <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>  
><em>When it's cold out here <em>  
><em>Well maybe you should know <em>  
><em>Just how it feels <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>

_I tell ya.. _  
><em>All my life I've been waiting <em>  
><em>For you to bring a fairytale my way <em>  
><em>Been living in a fantasy without meaning <em>  
><em>It's not okay I don't feel safe <em>  
><em>I need to pray <em>

_Ohhh. Pray... _  
><em>Ohh.. Heavenly father.. <em>  
><em>Save me.. Ohhhh.. <em>  
><em>Whoaooooaoooooo <em>

_And I wonder if you know _  
><em>How it really feels <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>  
><em>When it's cold out here <em>  
><em>Well maybe you should know <em>  
><em>Just how it feels <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>  
><em>To be left outside alone <em>

_All my life I've been waiting _  
><em>For you to bring a fairytale my way <em>  
><em>Been living in a fantasy without meaning <em>  
><em>It's not okay I don't feel safe <em>  
><em>I need to pray... "<em>

The performance left me out of breath, I kept coughing, my chest hurt so much. I desperately clenched at it. Tears streaming down my cheeks. It hurt so much. Every time I coughed there would be blood. I'd to go, I hadn't much time left. I stood up, but after two steps I felt down again. I heard Tina whisper "Is that blood?"

I was going to die here, not in the auditorium. Not the place I'd chosen, that I'd prepared. There was a blanket and painkillers, to die peacefully. This wasn't planned or expected. Nor did I expected an angry Santana shouting, "hell no. Don't you die on us Berry. What did you take? Fucking tell me what you used?" She was standing next to me, lifting me slowly of the ground and looking in my eyes. I thought I saw tears in hers, I must be hallucinating, nobody would cry over me.

* * *

><p>"Oh god," Quinn the first one after Santana to catch on. She immediately called 911. "Our friend is trying to kill herself, she's coughing up blood. McKinley High." After she hung up, she noticed that the rest of the group hadn't moved at all. They all stared in shock to Santana who was holding Rachel in her arm, trying to keep her awake. "Get the nurse Mr. Schuester." She snapped at the useless teacher, who looked up, before running out of the classroom. Running to the two in the middle, she kneeled next to them. "What do you need?"<p>

"I need to know what she took. Just tell us Rachel. Please you can't die like this." But the girl eyes were blurry, and I wondered if she even heard us at all.

"Mercedes, go through her stuff. We need to know what she took. Puck open her locker." Puck and Sam left the room running as well. Sam deciding to help Puck, to do something. Mercedes jumped up from her seat, grabbed the girls backpack and went through it. Tina grabbing the notebook out of it and looking through it.

"Oh god," the Asian girl softly murmured.

"What?" Mike asked, looking at the notebook.

"She had it planned, this whole day. Planned to the very last minute."

"Did it say what she took," Quinn's voice spoke up.

"Just toxic."

"Keep looking."

"Nothing in her bag," Mercedes announced. "Did you check her pockets?"

"Yeah," Santana answered quietly. Never letting go of Rachel as she kept talking to the girl. Shaking her when her eyes closed. Sometimes softly slapping her cheeks. The girl coughed every few seconds and blood was dripping of her chin. It made Santana think about herself, yes she was a bitch. She was mean to everyone, except Brittany, but she never knew that she had this big an impact on Rachel. That the girl rather be dead than life another day of her bullying. Rachel Berry was dying in her arms, and it was all her fault.

The boys returned, holding a cup. "We found this in her locker, but nothing to tell us what was in it." Quinn hold out her hand and Puck handed it to her. She smelled it, observed it. Before sighing and putting it aside. She would give it to the paramedics when they showed up. Speaking of the paramedics where were they. Looking around she saw Brit sitting in Artie's lap, looking rather confused. Kurt was going through the notebook, with Mercedes looking over his shoulder. Mike was comforting Tina. Puck and Sam stood as statues, not knowing what to do. Finn hadn't moved at all. Did that boy even care that his ex-girlfriend was dying right now. And Lauren was eating another snicker, completely oblivious to the rest of the group.

Right on cue two paramedics came into the room, followed my Mr. Schuester, the nurse and Miss Pilsbury. Santana handed Rachel over to the male paramedic, while Quinn gave the female paramedic the cup. She smelled it like Quinn, but didn't seem to recognize it. She asked Quinn exactly what happened, as she was the most collected person in the room. The other paramedic was checking Rachel's vitals.

"So she hold a fifteen minute suicide speech, without any of you realizing it was a suicide speech."

"She likes to talk a lot." Santana answered the question. The girl had wrapped her arms around herself, trying to comfort herself.

"We're losing her," the paramedic suddenly spoke up, before starting the CPR. The female also set next to the body, doing the mouth-to-mouth. They set a steady peace, that seemed to go on forever. But then they stopped, they both shook their head. The male looked at his watch. "Time of dead, 3.38 PM."

Quinn felt two arms around her, Puck put his head in her neck and started crying. Finn jumped up and started kicking the chairs, before Sam grabbed him and the ex-boyfriend let his tears fall. Mr. Schuester hold on to Miss Pilsbury, who softly patted his back. Clearly trying to get over the discomfort of someone so in her personal space. Santana let out a loud cry, before she fell on the floor crying. Brit left Artie's lap and went to her best friend and just sat next to her, stroking the latina's hair. They just lost one of their own, who was in more pain than she ever let on.


End file.
